I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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