I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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