I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
