Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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