if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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