The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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