4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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