just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
