You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
