hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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