I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
