I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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