I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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