just come out here and I will go home with you...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
