Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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