life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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