god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
