Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
