is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
