So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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