With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
