reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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