what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
