Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
