Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
