Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My vagina just clenched in fear
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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