Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
