You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
