I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
