If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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