In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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