I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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