A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
