I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
