Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
