I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
