im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
