3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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