I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
