I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
