You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
