I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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