I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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