he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
