probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
