RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
