What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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