he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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