I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
