The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
